Sorry, I'm done giving out free passes for bad behavior--even, no, especially if they happen to be family.
We've all heard the proverb "Blood is thicker than water," right? It's usually tossed around when a family member has done something particularly shitty and is expecting forgiveness. No matter what was done, it doesn't matter, you need to stick by them, at least according to the people who treat their family like dirt.
Well, I don't buy that. Honestly, I don't know if I ever really bought into that logic. That's why I was excited to find out that there's another interpretation of that famous line: "Blood of the covenant is thicker than water of the womb." The blood of the covenant refers to blood shed on the battlefield, or through shared experiences and struggles. In other words, the people who stick by and support one another in hard times share a stronger bond than family.
In some cases, those people who stand by you are family, but I can't say that's the case for me.
Choosing Happiness Over Family
I've written previously about the lack of support I had for following my passion when I was growing up--everything from subtle jabs to outright mockery. For a long time, I bit my tongue, choosing to keep the peace instead of adding to the negativity.
But, at some point a few years ago, I sat down and took stock of my life. I'd recently moved out of a house that I lived in next door to my family. While I was living in that house, it seemed like everything that went wrong was my fault--at least that's what they told me.
But something happened after I moved away. Sure, I still heard all the usual complaints from my family, but, suddenly, I wasn't the object of scorn anymore. They had moved on to another scapegoat, someone else to blame for all their troubles.
I now know what it means when people say that a weight had lifted. I could breathe again without feeling like there was someone looking over my shoulder, waiting to jump on any mistake (real or imagined). That's when I knew what I had to do.
Instead of biting my tongue, I essentially gave everyone an ultimatum: "If we can't talk without all the drama and negativity, we won't talk at all."
While my relationships with some people improved dramatically after that point, I also lost contact with a few people who refused to understand my thought process. Although it was disappointing, I can't say I regret the decision to start putting my own happiness first.
Without the blame and negativity in my life, I suddenly felt more confident. I became the best version of myself — as a professional, a husband, and a father. Now, I can honestly tell you that I love my life, every waking minute of it, and it’s because I stopped making excuses for people and decided to prioritize my own happiness.
And who knows? Maybe confronting that behavior will be the key to moving forward, not only for you but for those who hide behind their negativity. I, for one, hope that after some time has passed, the people who I've had to hold at arm's length will come to see to understand where I came from. Although I am prepared for whatever result that comes of my decision, I love my family with my entire heart, and it's for that reason that I can't continue to support their negativity. Sometimes, loving someone means calling them out on their bullshit.
Life’s Too Short
Yeah, it’s a cliché, but it’s true. Life’s too short to spend with toxic people. And not just toxic people — but toxic environments, attitudes, and habits as well. It’s all just noise that distracts from the things that really matter.
So I’m going to give you some tough (and, I admit, unsolicited) advice:
Don’t be afraid to cut the bullshit from your life.
Your happiness depends on your willingness to chase it. Hate your coworkers? Find a new job! Feeling stressed from friendship drama? Maybe it’s time for new friends.
It sounds pretty radical, I admit. Hell, it’s probably the nuclear option when it comes to waging war on unhappiness.
But it works.
Things won’t change on their own. You need to identify the areas of your life that are contributing to your misery, and think critically about whether or not they are causing more harm than good. It’s up to you to figure out if that noise — that toxicity — is going to control your life or if you are going to make choices based on your own well-being and happiness.
About the Author
Michael Speer is a digital marketing executive at Michael’s Wilder. He shares his experiences with entrepreneurship, creative marketing, and balancing a hectic work schedule with his life as a devoted husband and father.